Glue and Chains
by Miss. I'veGotAMonsterInMyPants
Summary: Iruka is just looking to have a little fun. Is this gonna come back to haunt him? Probably. Rated T for suggestive themes and minor vulgarity.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay. I am just trying this out. If it turns out I am not destined to right fan fiction, then I will return to my closet amongst my tower of notebooks and continue with my own characters. Of course I'll still be doing that, but you get my point.**

**So first fanfic! Beware! Unfortunately, there is no actual sex in this. I know, I know. You're heart broken.**

**Summary: Just a little Iruka magic. ^^**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. And you are so fucking lucky I don't. I can see it now. Lights, camera, action, SEX!**

Why does it always rain after a particularly dreary mission? Is it just the luck of an under appreciated chunin? Or is it a sadistic weather deity determined to spread misery for it's own twisted pleasure?

A soaked Iruka pondered these questions as he ran through the abandoned streets of Konoha. He vaguely wondered if deities excepted offerings of ramen... Anyone with half a brain had taken shelter on such a cold afternoon, leaving only Iruka to stumble gracelessly as he avoided puddles in the cracked ground.

"How fitting...," he mumbled looking out over the roofs of shops, trying to see the house that he hoped would eventually save him from this freezing assault. Of course it would be him that would be sent to escort an annoying brat back to his people on the border of the Land of Fire. And of course that brat would whine and cry about his mistreatment. From the seat of his cushy carriage. Stuffing his face with food. All the way there.

"Just lucky I'm such a nice person...the little shit...," Iruka mumble to himself. The mission was going by smoothly until rival clan members had shown up to permanently dethrone the young heir. Iruka had fought them off easily enough. It hadn't shut up the wide-eyed boy, who was exuberantly putting together the story he would tell his father about the attack. But as long as he wasn't complaining, Iruka didn't care. He had grown tired and wanted nothing more but to finish this mission and return home.

Now that he was home, and low on chakra, he had to be careful to preserve what he had left as he made his way to the newly rebuilt Hokage residence. The once prestigious house had been destroyed during Pain's attack on Konoha a few months prior. Now rebuilt with an enormous amount of help on Yamato's part, the large red building holds much of its former glory. Iruka need only make it to the building, assure his superiors that he had succeeded in his mission to protect the young clan member, and he would be asleep in his bed before dark. Or maybe his couch. Come to think of it, the floor was never really that uncomfortable.

"_Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!," _Iruka silently praised the sky. The rain still poured down icy and harsh, but he had just reached the entrance to the Hokage mansion. Ducking inside, he was met with a blast of warm air. "_Yes! They got the heaters working!" _The day was looking up. As Iruka passed a few of his fellow shinobi on his way up to report to the Hokage, he scolded himself for being so ungrateful.

The day could have gone so much worse! What if they had sent actual skilled bounty hunters for the boy? Honestly, did they just hire some thugs of the side of the road? He found his mood slightly lifted as he sloshed down the halls, earning angry glares from his dryer co-workers. He just smiled back at them.

"_Misery loves company, right?," _he chuckled to himself. Hey, if he had to drip and sneeze all the way home, they had to slip in it and fall on their asses. That's just the way the world turns.

He greeted the guards standing at the door to the Hokage's office with a wave and a tired smile.

"Hey Ko. What's up Izumo?"

Kotetsu regarded him with a barely suppressed laugh. Iruka was soaked from head to toe. His long brown hair, usually tied back into a messy pony tail, was falling about his face, sticking to his skin, and covering his eyes. His clothes had been torn and stretched. He had slashes up his arms and a small cut on his chin. He shivered violently. Kotetsu brushed the hair from Iruka's eyes and burst out laughing. He looked like a very angry, very wet cat. Or maybe a kid whose first fight hadn't gone the way he'd planned. Kotetsu wasn't sure. Izumo shot him a look that said something along the lines of _shut the fuck up._Needless to say, Kotetsu promptly ignored the look and went on.

"You look like shit. Did that brat throw you to his minions?"

"No. We were ambushed," Iruka scowled at his friend, making the long, horizontal scar that lay across the bridge of his nose crinkle. At the word 'ambushed', Izumo stepped forward and elbowed Kotetsu out of his way. He took hold of Iruka's arm and did a once over. Satisfied that his cuts were not too deep and that his vital points hadn't been attacked, Izumo let go and took his place by the door again.

"You should let Shizune take a look at you when you give the Hokage your report," Izumo stated. He added a soft smile. Iruka was a friend of his, somewhat of a loner, but still a good friend. He just got a little reckless in some instances. His safety came only after his charge's safety. Which was a great trait in any man. Not so great in a shinobi. Yeah his cargo, this time being the boy, would be safe for the time being, but Iruka wouldn't be much help to the boy if he were passed out from loss of blood.

"If I ever get into see the Hokage!" Iruka pushed past Kotetsu as Izumo opened the door for him.

He entered the room and was met with a jungle made from stacks of paper most of which reaching four feet off the ground. The floor was covered in forms and documents that needed signing. Any form of organization had left this room hours ago, screaming for safety. Iruka peered around a wobbling stack and smiled at what he saw.

A very tired, very irritable Tsunade was sitting at her desk, slashing her pen angrily over a sheet of paper. Why was this slightly drunk, very angry woman such a wonderful sight? Because even a fuming Tsunade is welcome over any form of Danzo. Months had passed since Pain's invasion and Danzo's rise to power as Hokage. After all the dust had cleared at the Kage's Summit Meeting, word of Danzo's deceit had gotten back to the Land of Fire. Without going into detail, let's just say Danzo got what he was due. And just in time, too! The council was busy deciding over the next Hokage when it was yelled, no screamed, from the rooftops that Tsunade had woken from her coma. The council had been in a fierce debate over whether or not Naruto, the village's young demon vessel, was ready to lead. The general vote? Hell no. But they had rushed to Tsunade's side hoping like they had never hoped before that she would be able to lead them once again. And now here she was. Buried in the paperwork born from months of renovations and general financial dilemmas. And no one could be happier.

"Shizune! Where is Iruka! How long does it take to.. Oh. Never mind!!"

"Afternoon, Hokage-sama," Iruka gave a curt bow and looked up. He made his way around the stacks of papers and to the front of her desk.

"Well?" she started, "You're alive. He didn't eat you," she added this with a smile.

Iruka chuckled. He looked over her lightly wrinkled face. She was already working hard to restore her transformation technique. She was already so beautiful. Her hair had returned to a soft blonde and her face only held the softest wrinkles. He smiled back at her.

"I brought Takeshi back to his clan safely. We ran into some obstacles, but nothing I couldn't handle," at a raise of Tsunade's eyebrows Iruka continued, " It would seem the Akano clan did in fact send out men to stop us before we reached the border. It was somewhat well planned, although executed horribly. There were four in the trees and one in front of us in the road. The one in front acted as a distraction so the four others could surround us. They didn't even bother to mask their chakra and their man acting as the distraction wouldn't have fooled an academy student."

Iruka was grinning by now, remembering Takeshi and his driver's astounded looks as Iruka jumped out the back of the carriage just in time to deflect a few well aimed kunai and land a solid kick in the abdomen of one helluva big guy. Truth be told, it was obvious these men were poorly trained and, yes, it didn't take much to defeat them and Iruka told her this, but... It had been awhile since he had gotten that kind of satisfaction from a mission. Just to see the grateful faces of Takeshi and his driver had brought him back to earlier days... But that was nothing to think about now of course. Those days were done and this was now.

"You look old," Tsunade said from behind tired eyes. Iruka looked up abruptly. He blushed, embarrassed for zoning out in the Hokage's presence. She smiled a kind of smile no one really saw on her, especially these days. "Keep it up and you'll end up looking like me sooner than you think," she said half jokingly before she laughed a bitter laugh.

"You're still the most beautiful kunoichi. Er...I m-mean that...well uh..." Iruka trailed off and blushed crimson. He looked away and mumbled an apology. Risking a glance at Tsunade, the strongest and quite possibly most dangerous kunoichi in the Land of Fire, he saw that she was smiling.

"Always the charmer, Iruka-sensei," she whispered, "Well you need to report to the medic-nins before you head home. And I expect you to fill out an official report on this mission. We need to find out where the Akano clan are getting their makeshift bounty hunters from. You said they had no forehead protectors, right? Right, so they may not even be shinobi... Those bastards better not be hiring villagers or I swear..."

"Tsunade-sama?"

"What is it, Shizune?"

"Kakashi-san is here. Should I have him wait?" Shizune came halfway through the door and stopped to smile a refreshing and genuinely happy smile at Iruka. He smiled back and turned to nod at Tsunade, signaling his leave.

"No no that's fine. We're done here," Tsunade said as she waved Iruka off. "Send him in now. Oh and Umino-san," she started with a smile and a lift in her voice Iruka couldn't quite place. "Do get a good night's sleep. I have another mission for you in the morning."

"Can't you just tell me what it is now?" Iruka tried hard not to whine.

"No. I wouldn't want to ruin your evening," Tsunade grinned. Was it possible for such a beautiful face to hold such...sadistic joy?

Resisting the urge to groan and roll his eyes, Iruka turned back towards the door. Shizune offered him a sympathetic attempt at a smile and Iruka sighed. The look on her face clearly said _you should have known better._

Okay, okay, it hadn't been the smartest or most productive use of his time, but damn...was that the funniest moment of his life. Okay, not the funniest but it was in the top ten. And hey, everyone needed a good laugh! And, maaaan, did they laugh.

So about a week ago, Iruka had been minding his own business, just going over his latest mission report, when low and behold a particular jonin stepped into view. And Iruka didn't know what came over him. It was only one of the most boring days and everyone else was so busy. And he never really did get Kakashi back for practically insulting him a couple years earlier at the chunin exams. And the villagers really should not have left those paint cans there. And really! The guy needed to start turning his reports in on time! And lastly, he really shouldn't have set that book down.

Knowing there was only a slim chance that he wouldn't be caught and probably killed by a very angry jonin, Iruka set to work. Years of being Konoha's best prankster had had a great effect on Iruka. He placed his trip wires with ease. He masked his chakra perfectly. Everything went amazingly. Now, in any other retelling, Iruka would fail and end up underneath a particularly smoldering Kakashi. Not like that you sickos. But not in this tale. In this tale, as an oblivious Kakashi reached down to pick up his abandoned 'romance novel', a very calm Iruka continued on with his report merely twenty, maybe twenty-five feet away. And then life itself had an orgasm.

Trip wires made from strands of chakra were triggered and before this elite jonin could figure out that his feet were stuck to the ground by use of chakra enhanced classroom glue, he had been hammered with enough paint to makeover the Hokage monument. The glue, hardening rapidly, had Kakashi stuck in a vice like hold. Iruka used this moment to slip into the gathering crowd as shinobi and villagers alike gathered at the scene, not even trying to suppress their mirth.

Of course Iruka had felt a little guilt watching as Kakashi teleported out of the area with a _poof! _after looking around wildly. It was obvious that had he not been drenched in paint, he might have tried to seek out his tormentor. Lucky for Iruka, even Kakashi knew embarrassment.

Once the Hokage had found out, she had used it as an excuse to keep Iruka on his toes. Now, after a week, it seemed she could no longer contain herself. Back to the present, Tsunade was smiling at Iruka evilly. Damn, how did she do that?! Evil and beautiful. What a horrible combination!

"Send him in Shizune!"

"Right away."

"_Oh shit..."_Yeah. Its true. His once silver hair did indeed still have a pinkish hue to it. Iruka readied himself for the worst as he walked passed Kakashi. He was met with a feeling of disappointment. Then elation. _"She didn't tell him!"_ His temporary joy was crushed as soon as he reached the door.

"Oi. Iruka-sensei. Forget something?" Kakashi's melodic voice held a strange, unplaced undertone.

Iruka half turned to look back at the jonin and then froze. Iruka hadn't forgotten anything, but he got the point. In his hand, Kakashi held an ordinary bottle of classroom glue. His gaze never left Iruka's face. His single eye portrayed no emotion. Honestly, he looked kind of dead. The grin on Tsunade's face looked as if it would split her face right down the middle and her eyes held so much light. Iruka couldn't help himself.

Something rushed up through every vein and every artery. An energy he couldn't describe lifted him up and away from what little sanity he had left. He smiled sweetly. Almost sickly.

"Ah Kakashi-sensei don't worry 'bout it. You can keep that. Next time I'll bring ropes." He grinned and winked before turning and walking out the door. Then he stopped and called back over his shoulder, "Or would you prefer chains?"

He hurried his pace as he heard something distinctly similar to a glue bottle hit the floor. Out the building and into the sunlight and he could still hear Tsunade, Izumo, and a hysteric Kotetsu laughing and howling with delight. His grin and sense of victory ran with him as he jumped across rooftops and made his way home. The sun was on his back and it warmed him and lifted him even higher, if that was possible. All his fatigue was gone. He now knew that the weather deity presiding over Konoha preferred offerings of sadistic delight.

"_Well fine. I can handle that." _He thought with a chuckle. Anything Tsunade threw at him tomorrow would be taken gracefully. Really, what could bring him down now?

**Whatsamatter? You don like it? Guess what? I don't give a fuck. BWAHAHAHA! This is my first fan fiction. Not the first ever published. First ever written. It was not made to be perfect. I thought I did pretty well. I never mentioned rape, fucking, molestation, oh I did mention orgasms. But y'gotta gimme credit. Anyway. I'm not usually so abrupt, but I think I'm on cloud nine. I was gonna add multiple chapters, but it occurred to me this could be a one-shot. Thoughts? Review if you liked it. Not if you like me. The story. OK? Was it kinda long for a single chapter? Nah, I don't think so. Or maybe short? I'd like some helpful feedback. Oh and if you want smut, ask for more chapters.**

**With all the smut in the world~**

**~Monster**


	2. Author's Rant

****This is a rant between chapters. It does not really effect the story. It is mostly a rant and a bit of information. You do not need to read this and may skip it without missing out on anything.****

**Minor SPOILERS if you have not yet read Chapter 474 of Naruto. Read it!**

**ARGGGGHHH!!! This is why I don't like fan fiction! The actual storyline always gets in the way! Damn! The latest chapter of Naruto, although brilliant as always, really messes up my plot! I love what is happening in the manga and I know I shouldn't complain, but I really hate not matching my plot up with what is actually happening. Pairings do not count.**

**Alas, my story will continue on its determined course for the rest of its duration. I hope people reading this story will be okay with this decision. I really do not want to go back through and change stuff and it hadn't occurred to me, although it should have, that Kakashi would immediately become the next Hokage. I don't know why. I loved the idea when it was first presented. But I suppose I was thinking about Iruka and not Kakashi at the time I wrote the first chapter. -sigh- Forgive me?**

**I will not ask for reviews on this chapter rant. Why would I ask you to review a rant? The next chapter will come soon. I plan on updating every weekend. Unfortunately this weekend, and week for that matter, has been rather busy. The next chapter will be better than the first if I can help it. The first one was horribly rushed. Could you tell? T^T**

**Oh and hey! I didn't cuss in this rant! Whoa... Strange... Damn does not count!**

**Alright, happy ranting!**

**~Monster**


	3. Chapter 2

**Okay. Official 2nd chapter. Like I before, I'm just going to continue on and attempt to ignore the actual manga plot because I can't do much about it now. ^^' Wish me luck? This chapter is in Kakashi's POV. I find it hard to keep him in character, but I'll try my hardest.**

**Disclaimer: I'm glad I don't own Naruto(LIES). Kishimoto is....masterful.(...truth)**

Kakashi stared down at the glue bottle as it leaked out onto the floor. His mind bled nonsense thoughts. He was vaguely aware of the Hokage's cackling. Her spiky haired guard was struggling to his feet as the other one tried to stay upright.

"_Iruka...chains...wait..what?" _Kakashi's mind struggled to make sense of the chunin's words and mischievous grin. Thank the powers he wasn't in combat. He'd had been dead 5 minutes ago.

"Th- That w-was too g-good!" Tsunade giggled.

"Did you just giggle?" Kakashi asked in an attempt to take the spotlight off himself. Tsunade went into a fit of giggles in response. Also, it looked as if her guards had driven themselves to tears in their mirth.

"I..I..I'm sorry." She managed to get out as her laughter quieted.

"You are not," Kakashi said, "You could at least try."

"You have to understand, Kakashi," she smiled as she tried to regain her composure, "How long has it been since we all had such a good laugh?"

"I'm not laughing," he said with an edge of a whine in his voice.

"Well that's because your sense of humor is lacking."

"Because I don't enjoy being covered in paint and being made a spectacle of?"

Tsunade was thoughtful for a moment before saying, "No, for not being able to laugh about it afterward," she grinned, "The glue bottle was a nice touch by the way."

"I wanted to make him squirm and maybe even break down and grovel for forgiveness," Kakashi said with a sigh.

"Nice job."

"Thanks."

Kakashi bent down to pick up the oozing glue bottle off the floor. He examined it and screwed the lid back down from where it had popped off at impact with the hard wooden floor. Careful not to get any glue on himself, he set it on a pile of files. The white goo dripped onto a highly confidential ANBU report. Tsunade moved the glue bottle to the floor beside her chair.

Tsunade smiled at Kakashi and gave a halfhearted glare at a snickering Kotetsu. She had indeed purposely set up an appointment with him and timed it to put both him and Iruka in the same room today. She even factored in Kakashi's infamous tardiness and scheduled the appointment a half hour early. Strangely, he had only been about ten minutes late.

"Did he really piss you off that badly?" she asked as she tried to mask her amusement with concern. It must not have been a great mask because he gave her a slight glare that quickly cooled to annoyance.

"No wonder you suck at poker," he said and quickly took a step back, "Sorry, Sorry. It's just...well..."

"Take a seat Kakashi."

Kakashi eyed the wooden chairs and moved to relieve one of them of their heavy loads of paper. He looked around the room trying to find a clear space to put the stack of what looked like insurance forms. Nothing. The room had been eaten by a paper factory. All those poor trees... Kakashi found a stack of forms slightly shorter than the rest and set the load on top of them. He watched the stack sway for a second before taking a seat in the now empty chair.

"Now tell me. What is it? Was it really that horrible?" Tsunade asked with genuine concern in her voice.

"It's just that...Oh forget it."

"No Kakashi, tell me. What's wrong?" Tsunade leaned forward with a frown on her face, nearly knocking over her mug of questionable liquid.

Kakashi put his head in his hands in an uncharacteristic display of emotion. He looked towards the ground and said, "I lost it."

"Lost it? Lost what?," Tsunade was becoming worried by the former ANBU member's strange antics.

"My book! I can't believe I forgot it!"

"What? You..You forgot your book...," Her hand moved up to her mouth as she felt the corners of her mouth start to curve upward. Kakashi hadn't looked up and hadn't noticed Tsunade's body starting to quiver with suppressed laughter.

"Yes. I was so shocked and the only thing on my mind was to get out of there. I went back an hour later, after the crowds had gone home to dinner, and it was gone. Who would have taken it?" He looked up as he asked this and was met with a burst of laughter, "Tsunade-sama?"

"I-I-I'm... s-s-sorry!" She said as Kotetsu and Izumo, who had been listening at the door, burst into tears and gasped for air, their lungs sore from restrained laughter.

"Obviously," Kakashi scoffed and shot a look behind him at the two guards who wouldn't have been able to defend themselves against a hoard of kindergarteners.

"Haven't you read that book front to back a few hundred times by now?" Tsunade asked while steadying a wobbling stack of files.

"What's your point?" Kakashi tried desperately to control his tone. This was his book dammit. And not just some trashy paperback. This was the work of Jiraiya dammit! He was spurred on by thoughts of the late sannin and tried not to yell as he said, "What if I want to read it a few more hundred times?"

"What about your dogs? I'm sure they would be able to pick up the scent and lead you to the dead man who took your book," Tsunade grinned as she thought of the poor soul who would eventually face the infamous Sharingan Kakashi's wrath.

"I already tried that. We searched the village and came up with nothing."

"How much of the village?" Tsunade asked. A horrible and wonderful thought had appeared in her mind. And it was too beautiful to possibly be true. But maybe...

Kakashi sat up straight and thought for a short moment before saying, "We concentrated on the suburban areas mostly. I figure a villager must have picked it up. Most of the shinobi would have recognized it as mine and, I would think," he added with a slight sneer, "they would have given it back to me by now."

"Did you go farther into the forest? Maybe along a path?" Tsunade asked with actual curiosity which did a fairly good job hiding her amusement.

"No. I wasn't aware very many people lived out there. At least not since Pein attacked the village." Kakashi eyed her speculatively.

"Oh no, not many people at all. I was just curious. I'll send word around for people to be on the look out for your book," she tried to make herself sound genuinely concerned with getting Kakashi his book back, "How does that sound?"

Kakashi could tell the Hokage was hiding something but couldn't think of what that could possibly be. After a moment of hesitance he sighed and gave in.

"It's not as if that will hurt the situation," he said halfheartedly as he stood up from his seat and gave Tsunade his trademark eye-smile. She grinned back at him and the look in her eyes sent chills down his spine.

Tsunade vaguely wondered if the council had factored in Kakashi's weird quirks when they thought of making him Hokage. Had he not refused them and asked that Naruto be Hokage in his place, anyone hoping to defeat him need simply to take away his porn. He'd have been powerless to stop them.

"Is there anything in particular you'd like me to do to Iruka? Or anything you'd like to do to him?" she asked. Kakashi's body tensed and Tsunade blinked up at him innocently.

"Whaaa..?" he tried to say.

"As punishment," Tsunade's innocent facade crumbled slightly, "You know. For that whole paint thing? The glue? Remember?" She picked up the glue bottle from the floor and waggled it out in front of Kakashi, a devilish grin playing across her lips.

"Punishment...?" Not so innocent thoughts danced in his brain and caused him to fumble slightly as he reached out for the glue bottle.

"Yeah, I could put him on paperwork duty, or something like that. Maybe a particularly dirty D-rank mission," she said and her eyes flashed at the implication, "Or I could let you choose what he should be assigned to do."

Kakashi's brain turned back on and he looked up from the glue bottle in his hand.

" As long as it isn't life threatening or anything like that," she added quickly. She smiled sweetly.

Kakashi looked back down at the glue bottle and let it's contents drip onto the floor once more.

"No," he said, "No, you can assign his punishment. This little adventure into the sick mind of an academy instructor is best put behind us." He set the glue bottle back down in front of Tsunade and turned to leave.

Tsunade's face fell. Jonins really are no fun. _"ANBU must have sucked it out of him," _she mused. She watched him as he walked towards the door slowly. She desperately searched for something, anything that would make him turn around. She hadn't dismissed him yet, but that was flimsy. She needed a way to keep this ball rolling. While she stared at her mug and reached down to pick up her drink, she didn't notice as Kakashi stopped at the entrance of her office and closed the door. Kotetsu gave him an annoyed look, but knew there wasn't much he could do about it. Kakashi turned to face Tsunade and took a few steps forward.

"Did he say why he did it, Tsunade-sama?"

The question startled her and she nearly dropped her mug. She looked up at him and studied his forcibly stoic face. Then she smiled.

"Why don't you ask him yourself," she said softly. Regardless of the tone she used, it was not a question nor a suggestion. Kakashi visibly slouched with unmasked disappointment.

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama. I'm sure I'll get around to that. Although that might be a little difficult, seeing as I'll be avoiding public places for a year or two."

Tsunade giggled and Kakashi gave her a questioning glance before adding, "Hokages should not giggle." She stopped and smiled up at him. Kakashi sighed and turned to the door once again. He put a hand on the door handle and turned back to Tsunade. "You will send word out about my book, right? I'd really like to get it back sooner than later."

"Oh of course. I'm sure it will turn up eventually," she said as she lifted her mug to her lips and drank.

Kakashi nodded and turned back to the door. He opened it and two chunins nearly fell on their faces. They muttered their apologies and got to their feet. Kakashi spared them both an amused glance before continuing down the hall. Tsunade chuckled at her guards' antics. There's no way they were eavesdropping. On the Hokage? Never.

Meanwhile, somewhere off a beaten path, off in the woods of Konoha, a little house sits in the sunlight. Flowers drink up the sun's rays and birds sing sweet songs to each other. Inside this little house, tan fingers ghost over a little orange book.

**Okay I swear the next chapter will be better. And it won't take me as long to get the next one out. It will become more interesting as it gets going. We're in the set up stage of the story. KakaIru is on it's way, I swear! Please review. If you can give me feed back on anything from grammar to punctuation, I will greatly appreciate it. Did you see what I did to try and fix the Hokage Kakashi thing? If you read the little rant thing, you'd have seen that, as much as I love the idea, making Kakashi Hokage would have messed up this entire story. So anyway, hope you like! And if you don't well... I guess I don't really care. HAHA!**

**~Monster**


	4. Chapter 3

**This took too long. My bad. Here it is. I'm gonna start the next chapter like right now, too. Or maybe after I get a bit of feed back. Okay. Soooo....enjoy!**

Few mornings are ever this beautiful. That was Iruka's first realization upon waking. He lay in bed on his back, basking in the warm morning glow, listening to the first songs of the day uttered by the forest's winged creatures. If there were ever a more beautiful place to wake, it lay buried in a child's fairytale. Iruka stretched his limbs and reluctantly sat up. The sunlight hit his face and he smiled. Yawning, he placed his feet on the ground and almost immediately pulled them back with a start. Everywhere the sunlight did not touch had apparently frozen during the cool, spring night. He peered down at the hardwood floor with distaste. With the bravery held only by the most courageous shinobi, he jumped from his bed and quickly ran to grab his slippers. It may have been more of a hopping maneuver, but no shinobi would own up to that. Now clad in slippers, baggy blue sweat pants, and an oversized gray t-shirt, he could breath easy as he continued his morning routine.

After a quick shower, he hurriedly dressed himself in his proper shinobi attire. Well, minus a shirt and flak jacket. It had warmed up quickly and that uniform hadn't been made for comfort. While grabbing a shirt from his drawer and trying to put together a quick breakfast, he made his second realization. The birds had stopped singing and had taken to the sky in a large, squawking, startled group. Iruka put his shirt down on the back of a wooden chair next to the table and watched the trees for a moment. His brow furrowed , he grabbed a piece of toast and downed some orange juice. The trees held no life. The birds were gone and so was whatever had startled them. He shoved the toast into his mouth and turned away. It wasn't unusual for large animals to wonder to and fro. There had been a time or two when Iruka nearly wet himself at the sight of a wandering bear. He chuckled to himself and stabbed at the eggs on his plate. He smiled at the memory of the large bear he had affectionately named Tsukiko. He hadn't seen her since Pein's invasion.

Iruka's third realization was much more troubling than the first two. Dust had kicked up along the path to his home and he could just barely make out two figures running at an alarming speed. Well, one was running. The other appeared to have been pulled along to the point of being dragged. As they reared closer, Iruka's fears were confirmed.

"Oh let it be bears!" Iruka said under his breath.

He quickly ran to close the windows and blinds. He locked the doors and turned off any lights that would have given him away. He might be able to pass the house off as empty. Maybe they'd think he'd already left to see Tsunade. There was no way he would let them inside.

"Damn! Why did I ever let them know where I live?!" He cursed himself and crept over to his living room. "_Hiding in my own house...pathetic," _he thought bitterly.

The sound of scuttling feet could be heard just outside. A soft knocking sounded at the door followed by a stronger pounding. Muffled voices clashed muffled words and then shushed each other. Iruka sat tucked away snugly between his couch and the cold wall. He recoiled when he heard tapping at the window above the couch. More scuttling sounds and more harsh, muffled words. The next sound made him jump.

"Oh Iruuuuuka!" a teasing voice sing-songed outside his door. The door knob jiggled violently.

"_Fuck you, Kotetsu!"_ Iruka clenched his teeth. A second voice whispered something harshly and the door handle rest.

"Come out, come out! Or I'll blow your house down!" Kotetsu's voice rang out.

"_I hate morning people,"_ Iruka thought to himself with a sigh.

He had to get to the Hokage residence by 8 'o clock. Now 7:47, a half dressed Iruka cursed and crept out from his hiding place slowly. If he let them in, they'd tear up his place, eat his food, harass him about whatever had brought them out to see him, and most definitely make him late. Or at least Kotetsu would. Izumo was usually just along for the ride, willing or not. Some of Kotetsu's quirks made him endearing. Most of them made him a pain in the ass. Such as showing up at his friends' houses unannounced at any hour of the day or night. An interesting character trait at first. And later, an inconvenient quirk. Not to lead anyone in the wrong direction. Iruka loved the spiky haired idiot. How could he not? Okay, scratch that. But when you know him as well as Iruka and Izumo, it's easy. Kind of.

Bent over and crouched low to the ground, Iruka made his way into the kitchen. He rested on his knees as he grabbed his shirt and slung it over his shoulder. Then he grabbed another piece of toast, shoved it in his mouth and nearly crawled in the direction of the bathroom. Once in the bathroom he stood up completely and looked himself over in the mirror. Toast still in his mouth and hair falling in front of his eyes and all about his face, he gave himself a pitying look. He brushed his hair into a messy ponytail and made a run for the back window.

The window slid open quietly and Iruka lifted himself up onto the sill so his lower half was outside and his upper half inside. He looked back in the direction of the door and shook his head. Turning back to jump out the low window, he was shoved back into his house violently. The toast flew out of his mouth as the wind was knocked out of him. He looked up to see Kotetsu climbing in through the open window. A malicious smirk and eyes full of mischievous intent claimed his face. Izumo appeared outside the window and looked in only to see Iruka's pained expression. The blow to his stomach had hurt bad enough, and the floor had not made for a soft landing. Kotetsu wasn't looking at him. Instead he chose to eye the house as if he had never seen it before. Iruka chose to glare up at Izumo and he would have snarled if he'd had enough air in him to do so. Izumo leaned in through the open window and made a grab for Kotetsu's collar. But Kotetsu was quicker. He stepped over Iruka and walked out in the direction of the kitchen.

"What the fuck?!" Iruka bit out the words vehemently, "What the hell do you think your doing!?

Izumo nearly flinched and Kotetsu spun around on his heals to stare blankly at his friend sprawled on the floor. It was the first time he had looked at Iruka since entering the house. Izumo opened his mouth to speak, but snapped it shut when Iruka shot him one of his most practiced and heated glares. The crafty duo shared a concerned look. They'd done worse than force their way into his house before and this reaction had been...unexpected, to say the least. Kotetsu recovered quickly and before Iruka could say otherwise, he had a heavy wait in his lap.

"Where is it, Iruka? What'd you do with it, huh?" Kotetsu's eyes glowed with anticipation. He had seated himself on top of Iruka. He gathered the fabric around Iruka's collar in his balled hands and pulled Iruka's face up close to his own. "Come on, Iruka. Don't make me tear this house apart," Kotetsu said just above a whisper. He looked into Iruka's brown eyes intently. Iruka blushed and looked away. Kotetsu grinned, thinking he knew the reason behind Iruka's reaction. He was a bit off. Iruka struggled to keep himself composed while under the aggressive man seated on his lap. He could feel Kotetsu's breath on his face. He blushed a shade redder while he glared at his oppressor.

"Where's what?" he growled. Kotetsu frowned. His dark eyes seemed to deepen a shade darker. Iruka frowned as well.

"Don't play games with me, Iruka. I know you have it. I just want to see it. Come on!" Kotetsu whined.

"The book," Izumo said in an effort to hurry along this escapade. He was concerned for Iruka as well as annoyed by Kotetsu's childish behavior towards their friend. Iruka looked like he was about to snap. That was never a good look.

"What book?" Iruka asked earnestly. Kotetsu growled in frustration and was promptly hauled off of Iruka. Iruka got to his feet quickly and strode towards his kitchen in a hurried pace. Upon glancing at the clock, he let out a pained groan. He would never make it in time. The jerks would keep him here way too long and even if he were only a few minutes late...

He disappeared into his bedroom and came back out with a flak jacket in one hand and his hitai-ite in the other. He had tried to make his escape without either. Kotetsu and Izumo were standing in his kitchen, criticizing the contents of his refrigerator.

"Now. What the hell do you guys want?" he said gruffly. Once again, the two were put off by his hostility and let the refrigerator door swing shut. They watched him tie the hitai-ite on and slip the green flak jacket vest on over his long sleeve blue shirt. Izumo eyed him carefully.

"What do you mean? Of course you know what we we're here for. I mean...who else would have taken it?" Izumo's voice had risen with excitement. In their youth, Iruka had been the evil genius of the most terrible trio ever to stalk the streets of Konoha. Iruka got them in and out of trouble more times than anyone wanted to remember. They had had fun in their youth. But Iruka had surprised them when he hurled those days behind him and continued on a different path without them. He had grown up in a much more drastic manner than the terrible two. Now, Izumo had high hopes that Iruka might have one more interesting plot in him. After all that had happened in the past months, both Izumo and Kotetsu longed for simpler days.

At that moment, something in Iruka's mind clicked. He strode back to his bedroom with his friends in tow. They halted at the door and watched Iruka walk over to a bedside table covered in coffee mugs and small, bladed weapons. He slid open the top drawer and reached in. As he closed the drawer and turned around to face the drooling duo, he grinned absolutely evilly. Tsunade would have been proud. Kotetsu and Izumo nearly squealed. In his hand, he held a small, orange book. Izumo looked at him pleadingly and Iruka laughed. Izumo's smile lit up his face while Kotetsu cracked a satisfied smirk. Yes. The sun would shine for days.

***

In a tree a few miles away, Kakashi Hatake felt a shiver run through his body causing him to nearly drop the small green book he had been reading. He looked around him cautiously. He had wanted to go to the memorial stone, but there had been a family paying their respects. He had waited at the edge of the forest for them to leave. When it became apparent that they weren't leaving any time soon, he had retired to a tree a little ways away. It seemed there were more and more people visiting the memorial these days...

He sighed and brought the book back up to his face. He read a few words and then let his hand and the book fall to his thigh. He looked around him once again. Taking in as much as he could, he felt the cool wind on the part of his face left uncovered. The gentle wind disrupted the hazy heat that had settled over the forest and ruffled Kakashi's pink tinted hair. He watched the green leaves rustle together as the breeze swept through the lush forest. Small animals, mostly squirrels and rabbits, scurried around the great tree trunks. He inhaled deeply and was hit with the strong scent of the forest. The ever abundant birds soothed him as they sang their bitter love songs. Bitter to his ears, at least. This peace wouldn't last long. Months of fighting had yielded nothing but broken families, ruined buildings and bloodstained battlefields.

The little peace they had been granted was a nervous if not painful rest from the debilitating war. The shinobi leaders were regarding the few quiet weeks they'd had as a nerve racking prelude to their most horrible doom. Kakashi tensed up ever so slightly as he recalled the happy council meetings he had been 'invited' to. Actually, it had taken Shikaku _nearly_ having to drag him to the first meeting with the council of the Land of Fire. That had been a blast.

Things were quieting down and enemy forces had weakened significantly. This didn't satisfy any of the council members or the other shinobi leaders. They wouldn't be satisfied until their main target came out of hiding and was promptly dealt with. How long would they have to wait? No one knew. He was virtually untraceable. Even with the doom and gloom of the meeting leaders, all had been told to take advantage of the calm to rest, prepare, and have fun! Okay not have fun, but they might as well have told everyone to forget the war and enjoy a nice relaxing day at the beach.

Kakashi eased himself out of his rather uneasy thoughts and lifted his book back up to his face. His mind wasn't in the pages of one of his favorite books. He read the lines and conjured no faces or emotions. The beautiful, poetic lines of unrelenting love barely broke the barriers of his mind on this day. Nope. Nothing. Hell even the most well written sex scenes were just plain words now. He had thoughts on his mind that he just couldn't shake. Not about the war, the enemy, his comrades. No, this was something much more personal. And it had to be dealt with soon, before the fighting picked back up.

Kakashi mentally waved his thoughts away as he heard the sound of snapping twigs close by. Someone obviously wasn't trying to hide their approach. Kakashi recognized the chakra signature and thought of his options. He could stay here and take what was coming to him like a man. Or... he could run away and save this discussion for another day. Was being a man really all it was cut out to be?

"_I think not."_ Kakashi mused. But that was irrelevant now because no doubt the intruder knew that, by now, Kakashi had noticed him. It would look pretty stupid for Kakashi to _poof!_ away now. He focused his eyes on the words below his nose. He read them without registering them. When the visitor/intruder stopped in the small clearing between the massive tree trunks, Kakashi didn't acknowledge his arrival. Whatever torment was coming, it would be no worse than what Kakashi had already experienced. Thoughts of the fresh memory made his head swirl with hidden anger. Not much got to him these days, but one thing was definite...

One week ago, he had been publicly humiliated by a man whose life he had saved.

And _that_ just pissed him off.

***

Sun shone down on Iruka's smiling face as he and his chattering friends leisurely strolled down the beaten streets of Konoha. Children ran and shoved through the busy crowd. The vendors, the people, the animals, everything was in motion, everything was loud and alive. It filled Iruka up with such pride and jovial emotion like nothing else could or ever would. His face shone as bright with good nature as the rays of light that fell on it and he smiled at everyone and stopped to talk to whoever would listen. There wasn't a person who didn't end up smiling back at him. Kotetsu called it his suck-up magic. He could make his way out of plenty just with an innocent look in his eyes and that genuine smile. So many people looked at the handsome young man and saw only that. Pure, unhampered kindness and innocence. Which was almost completely true if it weren't for the 'innocence' part.

"So how much of it have you read?" Kotetsu said this as he fixed Iruka with an inquisitive look.

"None," Iruka said with boredom evident in his voice. "I don't read trash like that."

Izumo snickered. Iruka shot him a wry grin.

"Hm? Did you have something to add to that statement?" Iruka leaned in toward the snickering man to his right. His voice was teasing, and a look from Kotetsu dared Izumo to say something.

"Just that someone with your creative mind doesn't need books like those," Izumo strutted a few feet in front of his friends in an overly dramatized display of arrogance. Kotetsu made whooping sounds to egg Izumo on and Iruka burst out laughing. Izumo broke into a fit of laughter that made Iruka laugh harder. Kotetsu pranced around them, chattering on about whatever came to mind. Shinobi and civilian alike watched the trio and either laughed with shared delight of the young men's good mood or shook their heads at the display of fool hearted immaturity.

When they reached the Hokage Residence, Iruka made his way up to see Tsunade while Izumo and Kotetsu checked in with a few of the on call shinobi at the desks. Iruka got a few sympathetic glances from the people he passed in the hallways. Not many of them knew the 'why', but nearly everyone knew the 'what' around what was happening today. This was the day Tsunade had promised him a 'punishment' for his misdeed.

Frankly, Iruka had been unimpressed with the events over the past week. Barely anyone had figured out the ingenious mechanics to his plot and even less had figured out the 'who'. It wasn't his most amazing stunt. _"Far from it actually,"_ he thought with a grin. But what made a prank something to talk about wasn't just the whys and the whats or the hows. It was also the who's. Iruka mused that maybe people just weren't ready for his pranks yet. They couldn't appreciate them during the stress of waiting. Waiting for something, anything, to happen.

Much to the dismay of Kotetsu and Izumo he was sure, Iruka fully intended to give Kakashi his book. Being who he was, he had thought up some nasty plans for the boring jonin. But he had no reason to enact these plans. He had picked up the conspicuous book out of curiosity and kept it with the intention to personally see that it got back to it's rightful owner. He entertained thoughts that he might use it by way of an apology. But after yesterday's meeting with the jonin, Iruka figured he wasn't all that shook up about it, or even slightly concerned. He hadn't seemed angry. He hadn't really seemed anything. Nevertheless, he would have his book back.

Now a half hour late, Iruka stopped outside the Hokage's unguarded door. He wasn't so sure about this whole 'punishment' deal. He had done some pretty miserable missions and he didn't see how anything Tsunade could throw at him for the purpose of discipline could be much worse. But he knew the woman was crafty. She would find something. He knocked on the door before turning the handle and opening it steadily. Now standing in the doorway with a clear view of the room, he cursed his luck.

"Ah Umino-san! So _glad_ you could join us!" Tsunade's voice dripped with sarcasm and annoyance.

"_Oh well fuck..."_

_Yes this took me too long. Yes there are a lot of mistakes. I except criticism pretty damn well. If anyone out there would lend a pal a brain cell and maybe give me some pointers grammatically speaking or just anything really. And this may shock you, but I do in fact love reviews. Wow, I know. Even if you leave a one worded review, I'll love reading it. It's motivation of sorts. This took awhile because I don't write Kakashi really well. Hopefully, I can get the next chapter out a whole helluva lot sooner._


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I am not secretly Kishimoto. Therefore I do not own Naruto. **

**But I am a prophet. Why? I totally called Tsunade's little return to life. Fuck yeah I did.**

Kakashi waited in well concealed agony as a nasty smirk fought its way through kindness and sensitivity on to the child's lips. In a moment of weakness he winced as a bubbly twinkle of a giggle escaped from the little demon. It was the kind of devilish bell that only a pubescent girl can accomplish and still be called cute. Parents thought it adorable. Boys would grin. Kakashi had to fight the urge not to scream in horror.

Intelligent green eyes met with a single impassive blue eye. Then flickered upward.

Tears poured out of shut eyes as the girl clutched at her sides and laughed madly.

"You...you...your hair..."

Gasp. Shake. Giggle. Shake.

"It...i- i-..it's..."

"Just say it."

"It's PINK!"

"Look who's talking."

More insane giggling.

Hair the color of bubble gum or cotton candy or any other frightening pink one could think of flipped back as the giggling teen righted herself.

"Sorry sensei, but at least mine is natural."

"Sakura. I hate to be the one to point this out, but... there is nothing natural about your hair," Kakashi took this moment to swing his legs off his tree branch to face his former student. She smiled at him with all the innocence of an intelligent woman. He forced himself not to cower.

"Did you just get back from the hospital?"

Sakura's smile weakened and her gaze fell to the ground. Kakashi realized his mistake and, at a loss for words, opened and closed his mouth like a desperate fish. Sakura didn't notice.

"As a matter of fact I did. I'd like to say it was a slow day. Although there are less injuries occurring within recent weeks, the numbers are still pretty high."

She climbed up the tree with practiced ease and sat herself down beside her former teacher. They sat in comfortable silence. They had made it through good times and bad, hardship and loss, fake smiles, bitter tears, and overall tragedy. In the end they had gained thicker skin and better understanding of the word "friend". Through devastation, they had learned to understand each other.

Sakura leaned forward from her perch to watch a pair of squirrels chasing each other around the tree trunk. Her hair fell forward and shaded her eyes from the rays of light that found their way through the thick foliage of the trees towering over head. She peered sideways at Kakashi. He was staring off, caught up in his own little world. He felt her gaze on him and was slightly unnerved to see her smiling at him.

"...What?"

"What?"

"You're staring at me."

"I am not."

"Well you were."

"Was not."

Ahhh. The sound of maturity.

Sakura straightened up suddenly, tilted her head to one side and smiled sweetly. This time Kakashi visibly flinched.

"So...whatcha gonna do?" she chirruped.

"About?"

"You know," she drizzled her words with sugar in the hopes of catching a fly. "Whatcha gonna do about Iruka-sensei? Have you talked to him? You should talk to him. I hear you two saw each other at the Hokage Tower. That true? What did he say? What did you say? What happened? Come on. Let's go find him."

"How about no? Why are you so excited about this?" Kakashi asked dejectedly. He had grabbed her arm before she had gotten the chance to run off in search of her former teacher.

Once Sakura got going she was hard to appease. She grinned.

"I have a bet with Ino riding on this."

"A bet? What are the terms?"

"Now, now Kakashi-sensei. That would be cheating. I can't tell you the terms of the bet! It would affect the outcome," Sakura laughed teasingly at Kakashi's sullen expression. He flinched as she piped up rather abruptly, "Come on! I'll help you look for him!"

"Wait! Sakura, just wait. I already know what I'm going to do. I'll confront him myself. But thank you for your... offer."

"What are you hoping to accomplish through this 'confrontation'?" she emphasized the word with air quotation marks.

"I just want to know why."

"Well that's pretty simple. He was bored. You were there. Opportunity... And you really do annoy him," she added the last bit with a gentle shove and a wink. Kakashi frowned though whether or not she could tell...

"Something wrong?" Apparently she could.

"No..."

She leaned against him and their comfortable silence returned. For both of them, questions and anticipation hung just above their heads. But answers and relief were just out of reach. Although, it seemed that their shared companionship helped ease the air. The two of them, sitting there together... They were equals... comrades... friends.

"Good morning, Iruka-kun," a smooth voice flowed out from the center of the Hokage's office.

"_No wonder it was so nice this morning. Sun was out. Birds singing. No puddles. Should have known." _Iruka smiled brightly and, for the second time that morning, contemplated homicide.

"Good morning, Matsushita-san. How have you been since your last visit to Konoha?"

At the center of the Hokage's office, now clean of all traces of insurance forms, sat two chairs in front of the Hokage's large, cracked, wooden desk. In one of the chairs sat a lean, handsome young man in what might have been his mid-twenties. The other chair was empty and Tsunade motioned towards it commandingly. Iruka pretended not to notice. Instead he studied the frowning face of Osamu Matsushita. Black hair the color of coal had been combed back neatly. Alert blue eyes had a mischievous but intelligent spark to them. He was dressed in formal-yet-somehow-casual, classy clothing. None of it traditional. Black slacks to match his shiny black shoes and black blazer. Underneath the blazer was a neat white button up shirt. He quite obviously wasn't from a shinobi village. He had no fighting ability. No jutsus. But he had money. And that's one thing Konoha needed most right now.

"Please Iruka-kun. How many times have I asked you not to call me that?" Osamu's liquid voice melded into the air and filled the room like a sweet song.

Iruka feared he would vomit.

"Only about as many times as I've asked you not to call me 'Iruka-kun'. Matsushita-san." Iruka smiled sweetly at Tsunade who looked like she would have been strangling him had it not been for their guest.

A grin spread across Osamu's beautiful lips and Iruka had to restrain himself from gagging.

"Alright then. But Umino-san is just too formal," he wrinkled his nose to emphasize this then put the full force of his smile on Iruka, "especially for our relationship. Wouldn't you say... Iruka?"

Iruka looked back to Tsunade. She was smiling and glowing with innocence. Iruka smiled at her sweetly. Her own smile faltered. Like he'd let her win that easily.

"I assume you'll be staying in Konoha and you need a guide, yes?"

"Matsushita-san.. I mean.. Osamu-san is in need of an escort," Tsunade stated cheerfully, "And who better for the job?"

"A jonin," Iruka offered bluntly, "Matsushita-san is a high profile target for all sorts of attacks. It would make more-"

"Iruka. You are fully capable to take Osamu-san the little ways to the drop off point at which time another shinobi escort will take him the rest of the way," Tsunade said this in such a way that left no room for argument. Iruka fought for control of his facial muscles.

"Of course, Hokage-sama."

"Good. Osamu-san is all ready. You have an hour to pack and meet him at the gate."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

"Good. You're dismissed." And with a final wave of her hand, Iruka was to leave. He eyed the hardened glue on the floorboards next to her desk as he turned to leave. With a small smirk on his lips and a blush on his face he left the suddenly crowded office. All traces of good nature left him about halfway down the hall.

"Wait up, Iruka!"

"_Fuck!"_

**It's too short... I'll try to write the next one quickly. School ends soon anyway.**


End file.
